How to empower yourself when you feel alone?

Loneliness won’t warn you when she comes. She would just sit beside you and force you with her presence silently. She is not a very comforting company.

I don’t have a fare share of brushes with her presence because to say that, I am telling you half of my blues. I think I am born lonely. As a child, I was always left alone. As the youngest, grownups always have something to do and talking to me was never part of it.

And the last sentence is not the whole truth but something loneliness maximize within my mind to make me feel her presence more.

Of course, as I grow up, my mind can process what is going on around me and I can, at last, carry a decent conversation with my only sibling and my mother. And oh, I really don’t want to talk about the years when my parents separated – this made loneliness a fixed companion for years. This event is the reason why I was not able to include having a conversation with my father because he is not around.

But that is another blog post which I posted on another blog that I am not going to share here :D

I just want to establish how I came to know loneliness very well.

Loneliness can really create havoc in your heart and mind. With the silent treatment that she administered with her cold embrace, you will feel like there is no way out of it. That was how it was when I was a teenager.

Fortunately, I grew up with my grandma whom I shared room with for seven years, from grade 1 to first year high school. Without fail, each night, she would sing worship songs before she sleep. One song that remained in my memory is “God Answers Prayer”. One thing that I remember about grandma too was her stories about the Japanese occupation in the Philippines, about how she and grandpa survived it. And this she always tell me, if God take care of the birds so they would survive (and I believe grandma was a survivor), what more would us, people, be?

So, what does it got to do with my loneliness?

If grandma did not share the hope of living, I would have misinterpreted loneliness’ companionship. A miserable companion she maybe but only on being alone feel peace you can.

Okay, I don’t think I wrote it the way I want it but I like it to sound like master Yoda.

It is inner peace that I want to share.

When loneliness comes to me when I was a child, I find this filled with a heart wrenching silence. All of a sudden, I feel sad. I feel a great weight on my small shoulder and most often, I cry and cry. After I spent my tears, I can remember hearing voices. And I would listen. At first they are vague and then as these voices lull me to sleep, I can make out the words.

As I grow up, when loneliness come, I anticipate more the thought of hearing the voices. And then I found myself in conversation with this inner voice. And I should mention again how these voices that evolved as a single voice always come after I feel alone.

And then when I talk my fears, my worries and my doubts out, all of a sudden, I feel peace.

No, there was no solution and no, I don’t come up with a plan after these conversations, just peace.

For years I welcome loneliness and got used to her gripping me with her cold hands because if I let the pain pass, the sorrow will ease and the voice will come and comfort me. And after the comfort, I am totally revived and I have more energy to face more challenges.

It was really empowering.

I don’t know how this process is called or how I was able to develop it, it just happened naturally. That is why I took it for granted. I didn’t think to reserve energy and didn’t think to nurture my soul, my body and my spirit. I thought that if I feel lonely, I just let it be and when I am spent, I can revive myself.

But then one day, I just lost it…

When loneliness visits me, she stays longer and longer still. I waited for the voice to come but I can only hear silence. And the silence was frightening. It made me realized that this time, I am truly alone.

And looking at loneliness, it is not encouraging at all.

So what happened? This, my friend is on another blog and not for this post… hmmm, I find myself checking myself twice already for this post, trying hard to keep this light. I don’t want my dark side emerge and engulf my main point for this blog.

So let us cut the chase short. Two years it took me to get over losing the voice. I searched for it and when I hear tiny whisper, I grabbed it and held it close within my heart. The thing is that we are never truly alone.

When loneliness comes, it is just but a way to remind us to stop and listen to ourselves. We have been chasing wrong dreams and listening to many loud voices that we forget who we are. And it is hard to get us out of this state so nature made loneliness so we stop, stand still and just sit down to question our sanity. This is one great opening to test our resolves, our spirits and how we see ourselves.

This is risky too because not all people can withstand loneliness and not all can hear the voice that comes after it. Like a plant too long exposed under the sun, we need nourishment of inner peace, a peace we can only achieve if we have resolve the questions we have in our heart. And funny thing is that the answer is deep within us too if we just listen.

So let me get back to my very deep title so aptly written for my content here (yes, being sarcastic – but in a light way) how to empower yourself when you feel alone? Just reach within yourself. Don’t fear loneliness as it will pass. Prepare to listen to yourself and always aim to achieve peace within. Whatever ails you will melt away and you will find yourself revived, energized to face another day.

God Bless,

Jean