Confidence of the untried and untested

Starting something new can create havoc in ones heart for the most obvious reason that you will be doing something you don’t have the assurance of experience and the track record of time. To simply put, you are untried and untested. And because you are, how will you be able to say “I am great!”?

And so, in my deep consternation (just let me use the word because I totally love it) I focus on the following to both understand confidence and why it doesn’t come easily and know just how to pass through that block of uncertainties.

Confidence issue#1: The process of testing is daunting

Most of us acquire knowledge on theorizing things base on what we read and other people experience. When understanding comes, the best way to prove we understand is to try it out. If we got it right, a notch of confidence grow and if we fail, we learn some more until we got it right.

However, not all people go through the second learning when they fail. And there are those who don’t even want to try their new found knowledge out in case they will be proven to have not understood it at all in the first place. The process of proving ones capabilities is daunting.

Let me name these people’s type. (I just thought of this so…)

1.      Achiever – this is the one who didn’t stop until he got it right. These are often one track minded people who just go on one direction until they feel they know one thing inside out and only then they can find another to learn again.

2.       Tester – this is the one who tested out but stop when he failed. These people often are voracious readers and learners and then test new knowledge out and that just it.

3.       Dreamer – this is the one who read, learned but never got to test it afraid that he would be proven wrong making him stupid.

Let us try to guess the confidence level of each. You might think like there is a ladder of confidence level and that the achiever gets the highest. But you see, life just doesn’t work in linear and confidence isn’t built on proofs alone.

Achievers can be perfectionists who just can’t get enough confidence to say they got it really right because in the end, there is always something lacking and they have to prove themselves over and over again.

Testers on the other hand are confident enough to tell the world what they know because after all, they have tested it out already, they know what is right and what is not and they are ready to move on.

Dreamers can be the most confident because they don’t need to prove anything at all because deep inside their heart, they know they are right.

So where will you put yourself now?

On the shoes of all of the above only that you have to be the other way around: be a dreamer, be a tester and then be an achiever.

Confidence, I want to say and this is very much debatable, cannot solely lie on experience and the track record of dry runs. Confidence is the act, the choice of trusting yourself to grow the way you want to be whether there is the plan, the actual occurrence or the series of testing to prove your worth has been done or not.

Therefore, if you are the untried and untested on this new field, new path or whatever new challenges you put in your life, confidence can be there right at the beginning to guide you on how you move forward…

Confidence issue#2: the fear of the trap of overselling ones capabilities

In life, when we are the untried and the untested, we just got to boost what little confidence we have or we might not move on at all. After the plan, most of us get stuck on the drawing board and never got around of having that ‘house’ built.

It is so easy to plan and have everything figure out on a piece of paper. Execution is another big matter to face. We get to feel the goose bumps of fears:

·         Fear of promising what we can’t deliver

·         Fear of getting stuck while on the process of delivering

·         Fear of not pleasing

·         And a lot more fears eating confidence away

For years, novices are always new on a certain field and they always got mentors to boost their confidence of delivering. That is why when we are the untried and untested, we just got to have someone who can show their support or a mentor who will see to it we can do it.

Only too few people who can rush into something and deliver exactly what they think they can. I think these are the people born gifted with confidence. But a lot of shy people who truly want to test their skills out have hard time breaking out of their shell. For these people, a good mentor would have been nice. But good mentors do not come cheap.

So how can an untried and untested get started given their so little confidence of delivery? I think it is best to go by the principle of GOI and GID, “Get over it” and just “Get it done”. Confidence or no, it is best to test the waters, eyes close if necessary. Just take the courage to leap and just deliver the best you can…

You can’t get enough of confidence or you blow it out of proportion…

The very first thing to build confidence is to just evaluate what you already have. Build a firm foundation using what you got already. Take a step every day. Stop when contemplation needed but never give up. Confidence is not the issue at the very end but of trusting yourself on what you can do for others.

What you need to do now?

Knowing this, if you are the untried and untested, whatever that you want to start now but just don’t have enough confidence to do it then you can begin with this….

Think about what you want to do but can’t because you are not sure you can do it. List them out and choose three at the top of your list. Share them at the comment below and let us discuss why you lack of confidence of just doing it. I would love to cook up ideas with you and see just how it can be done to get you going.

God Bless,

Jean

How to empower yourself when you feel alone?

Loneliness won’t warn you when she comes. She would just sit beside you and force you with her presence silently. She is not a very comforting company.

I don’t have a fare share of brushes with her presence because to say that, I am telling you half of my blues. I think I am born lonely. As a child, I was always left alone. As the youngest, grownups always have something to do and talking to me was never part of it.

And the last sentence is not the whole truth but something loneliness maximize within my mind to make me feel her presence more.

Of course, as I grow up, my mind can process what is going on around me and I can, at last, carry a decent conversation with my only sibling and my mother. And oh, I really don’t want to talk about the years when my parents separated – this made loneliness a fixed companion for years. This event is the reason why I was not able to include having a conversation with my father because he is not around.

But that is another blog post which I posted on another blog that I am not going to share here :D

I just want to establish how I came to know loneliness very well.

Loneliness can really create havoc in your heart and mind. With the silent treatment that she administered with her cold embrace, you will feel like there is no way out of it. That was how it was when I was a teenager.

Fortunately, I grew up with my grandma whom I shared room with for seven years, from grade 1 to first year high school. Without fail, each night, she would sing worship songs before she sleep. One song that remained in my memory is “God Answers Prayer”. One thing that I remember about grandma too was her stories about the Japanese occupation in the Philippines, about how she and grandpa survived it. And this she always tell me, if God take care of the birds so they would survive (and I believe grandma was a survivor), what more would us, people, be?

So, what does it got to do with my loneliness?

If grandma did not share the hope of living, I would have misinterpreted loneliness’ companionship. A miserable companion she maybe but only on being alone feel peace you can.

Okay, I don’t think I wrote it the way I want it but I like it to sound like master Yoda.

It is inner peace that I want to share.

When loneliness comes to me when I was a child, I find this filled with a heart wrenching silence. All of a sudden, I feel sad. I feel a great weight on my small shoulder and most often, I cry and cry. After I spent my tears, I can remember hearing voices. And I would listen. At first they are vague and then as these voices lull me to sleep, I can make out the words.

As I grow up, when loneliness come, I anticipate more the thought of hearing the voices. And then I found myself in conversation with this inner voice. And I should mention again how these voices that evolved as a single voice always come after I feel alone.

And then when I talk my fears, my worries and my doubts out, all of a sudden, I feel peace.

No, there was no solution and no, I don’t come up with a plan after these conversations, just peace.

For years I welcome loneliness and got used to her gripping me with her cold hands because if I let the pain pass, the sorrow will ease and the voice will come and comfort me. And after the comfort, I am totally revived and I have more energy to face more challenges.

It was really empowering.

I don’t know how this process is called or how I was able to develop it, it just happened naturally. That is why I took it for granted. I didn’t think to reserve energy and didn’t think to nurture my soul, my body and my spirit. I thought that if I feel lonely, I just let it be and when I am spent, I can revive myself.

But then one day, I just lost it…

When loneliness visits me, she stays longer and longer still. I waited for the voice to come but I can only hear silence. And the silence was frightening. It made me realized that this time, I am truly alone.

And looking at loneliness, it is not encouraging at all.

So what happened? This, my friend is on another blog and not for this post… hmmm, I find myself checking myself twice already for this post, trying hard to keep this light. I don’t want my dark side emerge and engulf my main point for this blog.

So let us cut the chase short. Two years it took me to get over losing the voice. I searched for it and when I hear tiny whisper, I grabbed it and held it close within my heart. The thing is that we are never truly alone.

When loneliness comes, it is just but a way to remind us to stop and listen to ourselves. We have been chasing wrong dreams and listening to many loud voices that we forget who we are. And it is hard to get us out of this state so nature made loneliness so we stop, stand still and just sit down to question our sanity. This is one great opening to test our resolves, our spirits and how we see ourselves.

This is risky too because not all people can withstand loneliness and not all can hear the voice that comes after it. Like a plant too long exposed under the sun, we need nourishment of inner peace, a peace we can only achieve if we have resolve the questions we have in our heart. And funny thing is that the answer is deep within us too if we just listen.

So let me get back to my very deep title so aptly written for my content here (yes, being sarcastic – but in a light way) how to empower yourself when you feel alone? Just reach within yourself. Don’t fear loneliness as it will pass. Prepare to listen to yourself and always aim to achieve peace within. Whatever ails you will melt away and you will find yourself revived, energized to face another day.

God Bless,

Jean

When you’re down how does your mind work?

There are many factors why we feel down. I feel down when I am sick. Sometimes, I get sick because I feel down. At times, I don’t know which came first, sickness or feeling down. It does not matter though because when I feel the blues, I am not being creative.

When I was young, I call this hibernation.

Or should I say, my mom calls this hibernation and I adapted the term. We have this tendency to stay put, think hard and just let the world pass as by as we wallow in despair. When we are spent, eureka will come and the sun will rise again.

It was good enough for me too. I remember my family’s five years hibernation. It was like falling into abysmal downs of downs. It was like diving into deep waters and I never really thought that we can come out.

That was also the strongest point of my life. I came to know myself. My faith was unshakable and I was always hopeful that tomorrow, tomorrow will be better. And of course, it was better.

Today is that tomorrow; or maybe, the what-comes-after-tomorrow days. It was funny that when everything is normalized – we have food to eat, we are earning and we can provide for our wants, I feel more hopeless than when I don’t have a single penny in my pocket.

When I was out, pushing out the waters, life became stagnant. There was no longer tomorrow to look up to. See how the mind, or maybe just my mind, works? I was happy, strong and able and determined when life seemed to be pouring rocks on me.

When that stopped, when I am free to be me, find my own path and spread out my wings, I got afraid; I kept still and never really tried to grow. The moment I realize I need to grow for my love one, my energy was spent. My mind is willing to fight but my body is just too tired to try.

Crazy…

I am down now and my mind doesn’t work like when I was down ten years ago; that five years of hibernation with my family. And I am at lost what to do.

Now, I feel I have more at stake and that has shaken my resolve to be strong.

Unlike before, to hope; to dream; to be strong was a choice. I have chosen to live tomorrow.

When tomorrow came, I was at lost and I did not build a stronger inner strength for more tomorrow.

I felt that I have conquered a mountain and I am at the peak. What more to prepare for?

But life did not end with this hopeful tomorrow, years more added to it. And now, when I am conscious of what I need to do, I am physically unable to meet my desires – I feel weak.

So, should I stop here?

Before I was able to work with a choice, now, I have no choice but to work.

But I do have a choice. I can choose to work on putting in more resolve. While I am at lost, I feel down, full of doubts and fears, I know I can still revive my hope for a tomorrow. Now, this tomorrow I am hoping for is for my kids.

I am no longer operating, hoping for a good tomorrow for myself as I have already achieved that. Now, I am hoping for tomorrows for my love ones, for the innocents I have selfishly prayed God to grant me. And now, I know I have to be responsible, to be stronger than my strong.

And while I don’t know where to begin, I know I have to stop aiming. I have to reserve my meager strength.

This is my own version of hibernation. I see my weaknesses and my worries. I can’t depend, or I feel I can’t depend on anybody. This is the main root of my despair and fears. With this feeling of being alone, I feel resentment. I see dark thoughts and this weakens me physically. But I let it; I let it until I see what resentment is for me.

This is the manifestation of my own doubts of my capabilities. I fear my dreams are too big and I am not able to hold it in my hand. And I feel people should help me so I can. I think they should and at the same time I know they wouldn’t thus my doubts turn to resentment.

And I see this as a dark little rock at the center of my heart. Like little kidney stones, crystallized toxins of destruction. Knowing it there, pulsating and will grow if I don’t do anything about it, made me feel better.

And I close my eyes and feel the healing water.

And this is where I pray. I pray for healing, I pray for strength. At times, in other terms, this is my way of meditation. I pray sometimes in writing and most often when I just close my eyes and converse with the Inner voice.

I don’t aim to find an answer. I always aim for peace, to get the cobwebs out and to focus on melting that dark circular rock in my heart that burdens me, that makes me feel sick physically and down emotionally. And then when I am done, I let it go to the universe to be treated. I go on with life.

How long does it take before I let go? There was this five years and for minor downs, a day or so; and now? Not sure. I am riding a roller coaster. And I know I have something here to make me feel like this. So I blog each day; every day to keep my doubts away until I have achieve my another tomorrow for the people I love. And maybe, even beyond that.

How one blog post a day can keep sorrow away?

Then I see that cursor blinking countless times as I was thinking how to start; what to say; what words to use. If I am to talk about my aches and pains – the lamentations as I used to do, words will be pouring like heavy rains.

But I am not going to.

I want to fight sorrow away. With a blog. One blog post a day.

That’s a plan I want to carry.

Because each day, each day is different…

There are times when I am so happy, so full of what I can do I feel I can conquer the world. Then there are days when all of a sudden, I am tired; fearful; worrisome; and most of all anxious of all tomorrows. But just before I succumb to abysmal torment, I remember, there are people like you too. And like I was, curious; reading what other people has to say with their lives; and get inspired and fight back in life.

I rather think about you and hope to imprint happiness than fear.

Just yesterday, I read a status post on facebook. Both held the same message about the goodness of God. One talks about how people fared badly when they deny the existence of God. It was brutal and it can really create such havoc of fear in your heart. While the other one says that God loves you and will bless you if you TRUST in HIM.

I chose the latter and share it on my timeline. I was thanked by three people and I can see more people sharing the post about Christ that I shared.

Now, I ask you if I shared the first one, the one about how God will punish you if you mock Him, how many people do you think will thank me?

Oh no, not that I don’t believe the first message because I do, it is just that I chose to calm others and share HOPE rather than FEAR.

So I ask, if you can do this, be this, achieve this, will you be happy and for how long?

I just want to explore, in my blogs here, the possibilities, the challenges we are all facing. Because I have a lot and when I think deep about it, most of my challenges come within. So rarely did a challenge come from the people around me. In the end, I choose to feel sad, be down and fear.

But I am not saying it is easy to choose hope or to fight back in life. Most of us grew up in an environment where people, our parents to be exact, fight for our battles. This is something that is very hard to get out of. While we age each year, our minds, habits, behavior among others, take time to adjust.

The day our parents decided to let us go, most often our college graduation day, is NOT the day our minds accept we have grown. We have to go through the passage of adulthood filled with pains, trials, discoveries and hopefully breakthrough.

But still, there are people who just can’t move on from being a child that much we see from people who can’t process responsibilities well. And we don’t have to go far, if we look at ourselves, our little child within also cry.

We cry for help because we feel insecure. We doubt our capabilities. We fear our future. We can’t just feel confidence no matter what we do.

Yes, affirmations help.

Yes, inspirational quote can lift us up a bit.

But what we truly need is support from people we care the most.

But then again, people we care the most, our parents, our partners, our children, look up to us for support to. And if they are weak, and you can’t summon the strength to be strong, what can you do?

You know, it would be easy for me to say pray to God.  Believe in Him. Trust His goodness.

But at times, again, there are people whom God has gone deaf. Prayers go unanswered. Times of revelations not happening.

And there are people who cannot grasp the meaning of God in their lives.

And I cannot, in my heart, allow myself to think that these people are hopeless because they are not.

I know that if you chose to stand when you stumble, you will find that a reaching hand will pull you up further, no question asked.

And words are one of the most potent tools to uplift a heart.

Your words, my words, words of God, words of love, words of hope, words to inspire and words that empower, this I seek. This I challenge me to blog each day. Without reservation, I let my thoughts out.

These thoughts that made me ME I share, I acknowledge in one blog a day, to inspire, to challenge and hopefully, to empower all of us.

God Bless,

Jean